mplsfish: (HomerBudda)
I just lost a customer.
She was a flake. She stood me up for an estimate about a year ago. Then called a month ago to set up another one. Stupidly, I did.
I cleaned once. All alone. I told her I wouldn't have time to get to everything. I told her it can take a time or two to get it all up to snuff. She fired me for missing a few things. And for being late, when there was never a time set.
I think she is a flake. I think she is unreasonable and customers like that are more trouble than they are worth to keep.
So where does this feeling come from. I feel rejected and shunned. As I read her email there was a sort of cold wash over my face. I recognize the sensation from other sittuations of extreme distress. My thinking brain has nothing to do with this feleing.
Maybe I am not cut out for business?
Maybe I still have some issues with anxiety?
Maybe I should cut out sugar?

It is not reasonable to think if I can just get enough order in my life, just understand it perfectly enough, I will eliminate stresses like this. But that is what I strive for.
When I experience acceptance of a rejection like this, I am accepting that I am imperfect. I am accepting blame, wheather it is mine or not. That doesn't feel good.
More work to be done. There is plenty of AWSOME in my life. I don't have to feel like this.


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January 2017

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